the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I won't apologize to a one balled man
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
