fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
