i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize