Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
