I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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