your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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