she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
