JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
