I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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