why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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