She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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