oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
