At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm sobbing to NWA
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
