I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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