i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
