Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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