I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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