I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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