he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
