i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
