so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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