if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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