Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
