I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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