saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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