It's Friday. Sex?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
