It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
