It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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