3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
