I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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