It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
