I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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