I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
