Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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