By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
