No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
