ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize