I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
