Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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