I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i need an iv and a liver transplant
someone owes me an orgasm
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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