our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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