My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
