these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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