I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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