with your own penis?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
