I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
