Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
