She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
