He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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