you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
