2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
