my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize