The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
