dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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