New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
