He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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