Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize