He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
