u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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