Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
