apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
