I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i think im in europe. pls send help
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
