OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
