Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize