can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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