Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
