i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
