Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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