i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
