4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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