So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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