my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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