How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
