I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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