Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
