I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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