i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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