I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize