So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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