just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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