you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
