what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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