if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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