I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
