Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
this just has baby written all over it
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
