Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
