My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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