Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
