idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
