You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
