i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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