im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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