I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
