nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
