I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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